So we meet again, blank page. Just an abyss of white yet so full of possibility. But for now, you are nothing but space.
A blank page was about the only place in my life that felt like I had space. I was in a very full season of life.
My marriage was a lot of work.
My kids were young and busy.
My business was growing. (Thank you Jesus!)
My house stayed clean for about .5 seconds and for some reason, all the people in my house wanted to eat.
Every. Single. Day.
That was just the list of the must-do’s. There was also the list of want-to’s of my life to fit in:
Friends. Ministry. Writing. FUN.
The Lord started speaking to my heart in whispers almost 2 years ago about creating space. Back then, it felt like a nice suggestion. Two years later, it felt like an urgent necessity. I had reached maximum capacity and the circuits had started to overload. Every time I got that now familiar sense of dread in my heart and stomach, I would hear that voice again (a bit louder now) saying “create space.” So in April, with one month of homeschool left and my exhaustion showing, I resigned to the voice and said “now what?”
Where? How? I needed some definition to this ambiguous cloud of an idea that was quickly becoming a burden. I sensed the Lord telling me to break it down so I grabbed my notepad and made a list.
Physical space. Mental space. Emotional space. Spiritual space. Good! A list. I can work with a list. You know what would be even better??? A spreadsheet! But my laptop was in the room where the baby was napping so a list will have to do for now. Time to get started.
My goal was to get rid of ½ of everything we owned. We are not big “stuff” people but I knew I was holding onto things that were no longer useful in my life (like those size 4 jeans). Room by room. Drawer by drawer. I started cleaning it out. The first stop for everything that wasn’t trash was the garage. One cool day this summer (HA!) I will get out there and sort it into a sell or giveaway pile, but at least I made some progress.
What have I been feeding my mind? Junk food, that’s what. I have been in mommy mode so long that I am pretty sure my brain cells are dying out of sheer boredom. So what engages my brain? Strategy. Planning. Creating. What feeds all 3 and sounds like a good time waiting to happen?!?! A party, that’s what. I decided to throw myself a 40th birthday party and plan the whole thing. Because it feeds me. And who doesn’t love a good party? Nobody. That’s who.
This was a big one for me. Summer was almost upon us and we had lots of things planned. I decided the best thing to do was to clear the calendar. Other than a work trip and our family staycation, I literally got out my big, fat eraser and cleared it. I created space for trips to the pool, evening walks, game nights, and last minute invites from friends. I created space for late night movies with girlfriends after the kids were in bed. I created space to sit and be present with my husband on the nights he was home. I created space to sit on the porch with a ginger lemonade fizz, listen to country music and find my happy place. (sidenote: my other happy place is Costco, but I will save that for another time!)
The word the Lord spoke to my heart 2 years ago was actually “wherever you create space, I will fill it.” Lord, come. Come and fill the dry places in my spirit. Breathe life into the exhausted places in my soul. Fill my heavy heart with comfort and peace and hope and vision again. This was my simple response followed by stillness.
“Be still and know that I am God.” Psalms 46:10
Creating space in our spirit requires us to just be. It is in the being moments that we find center. It is where we find Him. It is where we find home.
“Seek me and you will find me when you seek me with all of your heart. I will be found by you, declares the Lord, and I will bring you back from captivity.” Jeremiah 29:12-13
When we create space, we are now free to live from our hearts. We are not free from responsibility, but we are free to move and turn and follow the voice of the one who has invited us on the greatest adventure of our lives.