I plopped down in my chair in the sanctuary, bad attitude in check. While I was excited to get my worship on and learn with my friends, the events of the past week had my panties in a wad. I felt hurt, annoyed and angry. Some people and situations had pushed my buttons and I was thoroughly enjoying my pity party. I enjoyed it so much, I was considering sending out invitations. I even added God to the mental invite list in my head. Then worship began.
I immediately broke down into tears. What is this? Why so many big feelings? Where was all this coming from? Then the word came: unseen. I was feeling unseen based on the month I had just had. Friends and marriage and ministry and parenting felt like they were requiring all of me all the time. But what about me? What about my needs? What about the dreams in my heart? Then the Lord gently reminded me of a precious fact. Every single time we have spent time together over the last 5 years, He has begun our time with this: "Amy, I see you. I know you. You are mine."
I. See. You.
By now, I am crying so hard that I can hardly breathe. He has been meeting a need for me the past 5 years that I didn't even know I had! He DOES know me. He DOES see me. He DOES understand my needs before I even know they are a need!!! In that moment, I was so overwhelmed with the love of the Father. Deuteronomy 31:8 says:
“The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.”
In that moment, I had been discouraged. And afraid. Discouraged that I had been overlooked yet again. Afraid that the vision the Lord had given me years ago was simply a pipe dream that would dangle in front of me forever like a proverbial carrot, visible but just out of reach. But while my feelings on the matter will come and go, His promise remains. It was the expectations I had attached to the promise that were the problem. He had not left me nor forsaken me. He was working out all the things in His perfect timing. And in the process, the Lord was working some ugly things out of me.
Dear one, He sees you. Not just knows who you are, but HE KNOWS you. He knows the hurts and desires and pondering of your heart. He wants what's best for you, even when we might want to disagree with Him on His definition of "best." Most of the time, we believe the best solution is the most painless solution. But pain can be so productive if we let it. The path of least resistance is rarely the best way to anywhere.
If you are struggling today with a dream unfulfilled or a need yet to be met, please hear me. He knows. He really knows. Deeply, intimately, He knows. And He knows the plans He has for you and they are good. Do you believe Him? If so, are you willing to give up your plans for His? Are you willing to lay down ALL your hopes and dreams at His feet in order to take His hand and go where He leads?