My natural speed is fast.
I think fast.
I talk fast.
I walk fast.
I eat fast.
I even pee fast.
The only thing I don't do fast is sleep. I can outsleep any 16 year old boy.
I like to go fast. When I get in the car, I plug my destination into maps and pick the shortest route. I want to get there. And as quickly as possible.
But apparently God doesn't value fast the way I do. His ways are not my ways. Sometimes He like to take me on the scenic route of life. And it usually pisses me off. #unmasked
My journey to marriage took the long way around. I was a bridesmaid 14 times before my own wedding. You heard me right. 14.
And I still have most of the dresses to prove it. After a pretty nasty breakup post college, the Lord told me on a flight from Dallas to El Paso that He did indeed have a husband for me. This word soothed my broken heart and restored hope to my crushed soul. He forgot to mention that I would have to wait 7 years to meet him.
So, what did I do? I started looking for my prince to walk thru the door. Like, the next day. And when it didn't happen, I decided the toads who DID walk thru the door were probably just a prince in disguise. I would help God out and just do the dirty work for Him. Bless my bones! It would take way more space than I've got here to tell you all the messes I got myself into. Here are the highlights: pet squirrel, marijuana, Oklahoma, frisbee golf, John Mayer, a fungus, a tent, a coin-operated shower and a marriage proposal. And that was just one weekend. #hotmess
I wised up pretty quickly after that and realized maybe this wasn't going to happen on my time table. So I waited. And waited. And waited. Nothing. Silence. Singleness. Disappointment. I finally got tired of waiting and went to Mexico for my 30th birthday. I decided God had been wrong or I had heard Him wrong or maybe we were both wrong. In any case, I gave up the dream of marriage and started planning my next vacation to some exotic location around the world. I met my husband 5 short months later. (My girlfriend who went with me met her future husband on the PLANE down from Tulsa to Dallas to meet up with me. Thank you, Southwest Airlines!)
Looking back, I realized it was almost exactly 7 years from the time the Lord gave me His word to the fulfillment of that word. It was a long 7 years and most of it wasn't fun. There were fun times, but underneath the fun was a girl who was really doubting she was worth marrying. After giving my heart only to have it used and thrown away like a worthless piece of trash, I had serious doubts. But God always redeems our pain.
Joel 2:25 says:
"I will restore the years the locusts have eaten."
It was during those 7 years that I began my journey of healing and recovery. Among other things, I worked REALLY hard to find out who I was. Guess what? I'm freaking awesome. Just because someone treated me like I was worthless didn't make it true. My true identity came to the surface and I owned it. I learned what healthy relationships looked like and what wounds had kept me from finding them earlier. I learned to love myself and other people well. I stepped out of addiction and into a journey of freedom. I learned how to live in the middle of the mess and how Jesus was waiting there for me. I learned that grace is SO much bigger and better than I ever imagined possible
And that is the girl my husband got to meet. The girl who knew who she was and what she wanted. The girl who was aware of her brokenness and grateful for her Healer. The girl who was ready to follow the Lord's best all the way back to a beach in Mexico and say "I do."